New Projects

Well, it´s been so long time that I don´t write here. I miss to write.
Now, it´s the new year, new things, new stuff, new projects. NEW LIFE.
I forget now all the bad things about last year, and all the things that I miss I´ll forget also. Because from now on, I have to live another life, because I have so many things on my mind. I have so many ideas, so many will to learn.
and I do believe in atraction, so, I atracte people and situations that I can handle, and I can get everything that I want.
So, now I am just looking foward to my projects, to get want I want, till the end of this year.

I will miss

I miss to look at you, and feel that coldness
I miss the way you looked to me, desiring me
I miss your touch, your kiss
I miss when you called me,
I miss when we chat for hours,
I miss your beauty,
I miss the day t hat I had you....

Let it go

So many things happened in this time that I didn´t post anything here.
I spoke to him couple times, and now I am even badder than I was. He is going to change for a very very distant country. I am sad about it....
And there are so many things going on, I have so much work to do, I am always running to a bunch of stuff, and now I am very tired.
I am tired, insecure, and not good...but I know things are gonna be better, because I deserve it, and there is no victory without any sacrifice. So, I will dedicate myself in everything possible, and everything is gonna be awesome.

Was muss Ich tun un dich zu vergessen!?

Well, I don´t know how start it, but I decided write in this blog before study for my test today. I am not good, I am angry especially with myself, what is even worse to be angry with somebody else. Why the hell can´t I forget that guy?!?! I think never in my all life I lived a situation like this before. Gosh, that guy really knew what to do, and what to say. Shit....he was fucking perfect, and I still don´t believe that he´s gone. Where is he? Why he doesn´t appear in internet to talk to me anymore?!
Well, to be worse I had an amazing dream with him last night. I didn´t want even wake up. I dreamt that he was without shoes, and he said to me: Mariana, it´s impossible, I won´t talk to you anymore, It can´t happen. And I said: Yeah, I know it, it´s better you to do it, because then I can forget you. Then he came close to me, and I putted my hand in his legs and I looked to him, and he sad: Oh fuck off, let´s do it one more time. And after he kissed me, hold me, and that was fucking real......I woke up this morning not feeling good, and now I am here, and I am really angry with myself, because I do have feelings that I wouldn´t like to have. I am thinking about a guy that I can´t think about.....
The more I try to forget him, the more I think about him....

That´s why I keep saying that jewelry satisfy me better than a man does. My jewelry are amanzingly beautiful, never leave me, and it´s only mine.
At least I get my cigarrettes and jewelry. Both things that I can´t live without.....But I can live without him...

It´s different now

I am not gonna erase my topics, but now I am going to write in english also. I like to speak english, and it´s also a way to learn more,and to speak freely as well.
Today is a day before holiday, thank god I am going to rest a little bit, althought there are so many things in my head that sometimes I think that I will rest a bit more only when I travel.
But actually, I miss someone, who´s very far from me, and I don´t know what happened we chat every fucking day on the internet, and he desappeared. I try to forget him, I try to forget the way he looked to me, and how handsome he was, but I can´t. I try to forget out conversations, his voice, but again, I can´t. But I will forget him, I have to forget him.
I am kinda hopeless....because it´s so difficult for me like someone, and when I like it´s impossible.
I just hope for better days now....

Perfection....

Do I need to say something about this girl!?!?
I think she´s perfect, and she´s everything that I´d like to be. absolutely thin, blon, amazing smile, she´s intelligent and very rich.
There´s a hundred models around the world that look like dolls, Gisele doesn´t look like a doll, and that´s what I like about her. She´s different from the other, she´s really autentic.
This brazilian is attractive and she knows how to do it well....

One More Time

E mais uma vez estou aqui, tentando de alguma forma desabafar o que sinto. Essa semana, porém, estou me sentindo melhor, por mais que não tenha acontecido algo que eu realmente queria, eu pude ver o lado positivo de situações que muitas vezes eu acho negativas.
Eu realmente acredito em destino, e acredito que as pessoas não se encontram por acaso, e que as coisas não acontecem por acaso. Por isso que por mais que eu esteja de saco cheio, estressada,deprimida, eu me conforto pois sei que tudo é uma grande ligação, e as coisas acontecem para te preparar para o futuro.
Pra mim, o mais dificil é paciencia para esperar.....dar tempo ao tempo. Isso sempre foi dificil para mim, mas sempre eu compreendi depois que acontecia o esperado o pq eu precisei esperar o 'fucking time'.
Estou lendo um livro que também tem me ajudado a manter um mais de equilibrio, o livro chama 'As mulheres francesas não engordam', e explica o porque elas não engordam e como é o pensamento delas, e o ritmo da vida que as fazem alegres e esbeltas.
E por mais dificil que seja, eu digo: Dê tempo ao tempo.....sua hora também irá chegar!