Was muss Ich tun un dich zu vergessen!?

Well, I don´t know how start it, but I decided write in this blog before study for my test today. I am not good, I am angry especially with myself, what is even worse to be angry with somebody else. Why the hell can´t I forget that guy?!?! I think never in my all life I lived a situation like this before. Gosh, that guy really knew what to do, and what to say. Shit....he was fucking perfect, and I still don´t believe that he´s gone. Where is he? Why he doesn´t appear in internet to talk to me anymore?!
Well, to be worse I had an amazing dream with him last night. I didn´t want even wake up. I dreamt that he was without shoes, and he said to me: Mariana, it´s impossible, I won´t talk to you anymore, It can´t happen. And I said: Yeah, I know it, it´s better you to do it, because then I can forget you. Then he came close to me, and I putted my hand in his legs and I looked to him, and he sad: Oh fuck off, let´s do it one more time. And after he kissed me, hold me, and that was fucking real......I woke up this morning not feeling good, and now I am here, and I am really angry with myself, because I do have feelings that I wouldn´t like to have. I am thinking about a guy that I can´t think about.....
The more I try to forget him, the more I think about him....

That´s why I keep saying that jewelry satisfy me better than a man does. My jewelry are amanzingly beautiful, never leave me, and it´s only mine.
At least I get my cigarrettes and jewelry. Both things that I can´t live without.....But I can live without him...

It´s different now

I am not gonna erase my topics, but now I am going to write in english also. I like to speak english, and it´s also a way to learn more,and to speak freely as well.
Today is a day before holiday, thank god I am going to rest a little bit, althought there are so many things in my head that sometimes I think that I will rest a bit more only when I travel.
But actually, I miss someone, who´s very far from me, and I don´t know what happened we chat every fucking day on the internet, and he desappeared. I try to forget him, I try to forget the way he looked to me, and how handsome he was, but I can´t. I try to forget out conversations, his voice, but again, I can´t. But I will forget him, I have to forget him.
I am kinda hopeless....because it´s so difficult for me like someone, and when I like it´s impossible.
I just hope for better days now....

Perfection....

Do I need to say something about this girl!?!?
I think she´s perfect, and she´s everything that I´d like to be. absolutely thin, blon, amazing smile, she´s intelligent and very rich.
There´s a hundred models around the world that look like dolls, Gisele doesn´t look like a doll, and that´s what I like about her. She´s different from the other, she´s really autentic.
This brazilian is attractive and she knows how to do it well....